Dough...Nuts?

As I mentioned before, I am not very good with my words. There have been a couple of times where I should have really thought about the way things sounded before I said them. Some people search for years to come up with great sexual innuendos, for me, they just pour out of my mouth, by complete accident.

The first utterly embarrassing moment happened in front of a guy who would constantly ask me out. This happened about a year ago, so it was very, very cold outside. During the colder months, my store gets in bags upon bags of chopped firewood. Obviously, there are no chairs outside because....well, no gas station has chairs outside. Throughout the night, I like to head outside for about 30 minutes and just enjoy the peace and quiet. Since I have really terrible luck, it is never worth it to put forth the effort to sit on the ground because when I do, it is guaranteed a customer will pull up, so my solution: sit on the firewood. Rather comfortable and high off the ground. One night, as I'm sitting there, the guy who persistently asked me out pulled up. As we got inside, I could tell he'd been practicing his wannabe suaveness at home. After failed attempts at wooing me, he went for his pickup line, "What were you doing before I got here and started giving you some good company?" I should have just gone with my gut instinct which was to be incredibly sarcastic, but instead, I decided to give him a break and give a generic, boring answer. Unfortunately, I didn't think about how completely non-generic my answer was. I blankly stared at him and said "I was sitting on some wood." The boy's face lit up and I knew I had absolutely ruined every attempt at being drole.

One would think I would have learned my lesson from that little situation, but no, of course not. I went through this phase for a little while where I thought it was so cute to switch the names of businesses around. For instance, when my friend would walk over on his break, I would say "How's the House of Waffles?" I mean, that's cute, right? I thought so. Every morning, there was this guy, we'll call him David, who came into the store. He was very nerdy, but also very witty and fun. We usually had some pretty interesting conversations in the morning. Generally speaking, he was pretty health conscious and just got a banana or something, but on that day, he was feeling adventurous. He brought donuts to the counter. After ringing him up right before sending him off for his day ahead, I yelled "Enjoy your nuts of dough!!" I immediately knew what it sounded like. He and my assistant manager just stared at me. My assistant manager stares at me for a long time until she just shakes her and head and says "No. Just no." That happened last year and David still brings it up whenever we need a good laugh.